non-challenge post: "Not Removed" (Snape/Lupin, PG)

Thinking of doing something with Arsene Lupin for challenge #9, but it might be a while.... In the meantime:

Title: Not Removed
Author: mechaieh
Pairing: Snape/Lupin
Rating: PG
Summary: Six post-War drabbles inspired by Shakespeare's Sonnet CXVI, with some help from Dorothy L. Sayers's Have His Carcase.
Wordcount: 100 each
Disclaimer: Not mine.
Warning: HBP SPOILERS. Hurt/comfort.
Note: Written for lupin_snape's "Trust" challenge.



The sonnet:

Let me not to the marriage of true minds
Admit impediments. Love is not love
Which alters when it alteration finds,
Or bends with the remover to remove:
O no! it is an ever-fixed mark
That looks on tempests and is never shaken;
It is the star to every wandering bark,
Whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken.
Love's not Time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks
Within his bending sickle's compass come:
Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,
But bears it out even to the edge of doom.
If this be error and upon me proved,
I never writ, nor no man ever loved.



Impediment Admitted

When he regained consciousness, Snape’s first thought was that his vision had been hexed: the only color in his range of vision was a vile shade of pastel green. After a moment, he realized he was staring at a painted ceiling, having recognized the color from an earlier stay at the infirmary. An experience he hadn’t intended to repeat. Unfortunately, he was in no shape to look away –- his head ached far too much for him to attempt even a simple glance to the left or right -- so the only thing to do was to close his eyes again.


Alteration Found

As the door opened, Snape could hear Potter’s voice: “Remus, you said you ‘neither liked nor disliked him!’”

“Then you will also remember, Harry, that I pointed out my reasons to be grateful.”

“You saved his life, Remus. Surely that cancels out however much he brewed for you.”

“Idiot boy,” Lupin said, but without heat. “This is not about debts or balances.”

“Remus.” Snape’s eyes were open now. Funny how the cracks in the ceiling all resembled lightning bolts. “Remus,” Harry repeated, as they entered the room.

“I don’t want your gratitude, Lupin.” Snape croaked out. “I want common honesty.”


Tempest Shaken

Lupin didn’t blink. “Do you? That’s what I’ve always wanted.”

“Bollocks,” Snape retorted. “You always wanted to be liked.”

“Remus,” Harry said. Snape could hear the unspoken I told you so.

Lupin’s eyes remained locked on Snape’s. “They are not mutually exclusive desires, Severus.”

Snape shut his eyes, exhausted. “You have always been able to hurt me a damned sight more than I could possibly hurt you.”

He heard Potter inhale, outraged. Lupin merely said, “Severus. Is the prospect of more life so terrible?”

Snape said, “Lupin. I am grateful.”

“I don’t want gratitude,” said Lupin. “It’s not why I’m here.”




Worth Known

“I don’t want gratitude,” Lupin repeated. “I don’t want kindness. I don’t want sentimentality. I don’t even want love –- I could make you give me that –- of a sort.”

Go away, Snape thought. Why didn’t you let me die when it didn’t matter?

Aloud, he muttered, “Then it makes no sense why you’re here. I have nothing to give you. I am not the only potions master who survived the war.”

“You are not,” Lupin acknowledged. “But I cannot bear waste,” he added. “Don’t you think, Severus, that we have wasted enough time?”





Uncompassed

Time, Snape echoed. I was everyone’s fool --

“Please,” Lupin said to Harry. Harry hesitated, as if drawing breath for another argument.

Lupin lightly but deliberately placed his hand on top of Snape’s shoulder.

“Right,” Harry exhaled. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

It hurt even to flinch, Snape reflected. Lupin’s hand glided up to his cheek.

Why? “Why?” Snape ground out. “I am no longer Dumbledore’s business. I am no longer your business, Lupin -- there is no reason for you to trust me, let alone claim me. You neither like nor dislike me –“

“No,” agreed Lupin. “I love you.”


Errors Borne and Proved


Snape felt Lupin caress his face –- nose, lips, forehead, jaw. When he thought he could trust himself to speak, he opened his eyes, meeting Lupin’s gaze.

“Love,” he said. “Not all the love in the world –- “

“Hardly,” Lupin interrupted, lightly. “Not even my whole heart. Harry, Hermione, Tonks, the surviving Weasleys –-“

“At least they do not –-“ Snape broke off, frustrated.

Neither frowning nor smiling, Lupin grazed his knuckles along Snape’s forearm.

“Lupin. It is an ever-fixed mark. How can you bear --”

Lupin answered, “To the edge of doom, Severus. Even to the edge of doom.”